By Just Ask Maxx
Someone says “Thanksgiving” and your shoulders climb up to your ears. You haven’t even bought a turkey. Nothing has happened yet. And your body is already bracing.
That’s not you being dramatic. That’s anticipatory stress, and October, which happens to be Emotional Wellness Month, is when a lot of us start feeling it.
Why the dread starts early
Your nervous system remembers. If past holidays came with conflict, loneliness, grief, money stress or a family member who drinks too much, your body files that away. When the season comes back around, the alarm goes off before your mind has caught up.
You might notice it as:
- Trouble falling asleep, or waking up at 3 a.m. with your mind racing
- Tight jaw, tight chest, tension headaches
- Snapping at people over small things
- Wanting to cancel everything and hide
- Eating, drinking or scrolling more than usual to take the edge off
The empty chair makes it heavier
For many of my clients, the dread isn’t about family drama. It’s about who won’t be there. The first holiday without Mom. The first one after the divorce. The kids at their father’s house this year. Grief has its own calendar, and it tends to circle the holidays in red.
A woman I work with, I’ll call her Gloria, told me she starts dreading Christmas in October because that’s when her late husband used to start talking about the lights. The lights were his thing. She doesn’t hate the holiday. She misses him in it.
If that’s you, it’s okay that it hurts. It hurts because it mattered.
Calming holiday stress before it peaks
Give your body a signal that it’s safe
Try this when the dread hits: breathe in for four counts, hold for four, out for six. Do it five times. A longer exhale tells your nervous system it can stand down. It sounds too simple. It works.
Decide now, not in the moment
Decide today how long you’ll stay, who you’ll sit near, and what you’ll say if someone brings up the thing you don’t want to talk about. Decisions made calm are better than decisions made cornered.
Protect your sleep like it’s medicine
Because it is. Most people underestimate how much a few bad nights turn ordinary stress into real anxiety.
Make room for the grief
Set a place. Light a candle. Tell their story at the table. Or skip the tradition this year and do something new. There’s no wrong way to miss someone.
Tell one person the truth
“The holidays are hard for me this year.” One sentence to one safe person can take the pressure off more than you’d think.
When it’s more than holiday stress
If you’re not sleeping for weeks, can’t get through your day, or you’re having thoughts of hurting yourself, please talk to a doctor or a licensed therapist, and if you’re in crisis call or text 988 any time. Coaching can help you plan and cope. It’s not a replacement for medical care when you need it.
Need to talk tonight? Relationship Rescue connects you with a Life Coaching Today coach 24/7, no package required. Find your coach here.
Want to work with me? Book a free 15-minute discovery call with Just Ask Maxx.
Read the book: Red Flags: A Woman’s Survival Guide to Dating in the Manosphere by Kiddada Asmara Grey and Georgia Ann Hunter Jones. Get your copy on Amazon.
Just Ask Maxx is the founder of Life Coaching Today, a Master Relationship Coach, Master Hypnotherapist, Certified NLP Practitioner and Certified Divorce Mediator, with a nursing education background from Harcum Junior College and Temple University.
