In a couple of weeks, the mustaches will start showing up. November is Movember, the month men grow facial hair to raise awareness for men’s health, including mental health. It’s fun, and it’s important. But a mustache doesn’t start the conversation that matters most.

So let’s start it now.

Why so many men stay quiet

Most men I’ve coached were taught early that struggling is weakness. Cry and you’re soft. Ask for help and you’re less of a man. So they learn to turn pain into other things:

• Anger that seems to come out of nowhere
• Working all the time, so there’s no room to feel anything
• Drinking more, or numbing out with games, porn, or the phone
• Pulling away from friends, and even from the people at home
• Physical complaints like headaches, stomach trouble, or not sleeping

This fall has given a lot of men extra weight to carry: layoff headlines, money stress, a tense election, and the pressure of the holidays. Many of them are carrying it alone.

How to open the door

Side by side, not face to face. Men often talk more easily in the car, on a walk, or while fixing something together than across a table.

Ask a specific question. “How are you?” gets “fine.” Try: “You’ve seemed stressed since the layoffs started at work. What’s that been like?”

Don’t fix, just listen. If he finally opens up and gets a lecture, he’ll close back up.

Normalize getting help. Coaching can feel easier to start than therapy for a lot of men, because it’s about goals and next steps. That first step matters.

Men, this part is for you

Strength isn’t never struggling. Strength is handling what’s real. If you’re not okay, say it to one person this week. And if you’re having thoughts of not being here, call or text 988 right now.

You don’t have to figure this out alone

Book a free discovery call with a Life Coaching Today coach: Find a Coach.

📕 Red Flags: A Woman’s Survival Guide to Dating in the Manosphere by Georgia Ann Hunter Jones and Kiddada Asmara Grey. Get your copy here.

Just Ask Maxx is a Master Relationship Coach, Master Hypnotherapist, Certified NLP Practitioner and Certified Divorce Mediator with Life Coaching Today. Email justaskmaxx@gmail.com or call 215-888-5362.