By Just Ask Maxx

Three months in. Things are good. Really good. And now your mother is asking if “your friend” is coming to Thanksgiving.

Bringing a new partner home for the holidays is one of the most loaded decisions in dating. It feels like a small invitation. It isn’t. It’s a message, to them, to your family, and to yourself.

First, ask why you want them there

Be honest. Is it because you want them to know the people who made you? Or because you don’t want to walk in alone and answer questions about why you’re still single?

Both are human. Only one is a good reason to bring someone into a room full of your history.

I worked with a woman, I’ll call her Tasha, who brought a man home two months in because her younger sister was bringing her fiancé. She didn’t want to be the only one without someone. The dinner went fine. The drive home didn’t. He told her he felt like a prop. He wasn’t wrong, and they never quite recovered.

What bringing someone home tells everyone

• To your partner: “I’m thinking about a future with you.” Make sure you mean it, and make sure they’re ready to hear it.
• To your family: “Get to know this person, they may be around.” Your family will start attaching to them. Kids especially.
• To you: it turns a private relationship into a public one. That can feel wonderful. It can also make a breakup in January a lot more complicated.

If you’re going to do it, prepare them

Nobody should walk into a family holiday blind. Before the day, tell them:

• Who will be there, and who to be careful around
• The topics your family fights about (politics, money, your ex, your cousin’s divorce)
• What a good time to leave looks like, and agree on a signal
• That you have their back if someone gets out of line

Watch what the visit shows you

The holidays are one of the most honest windows you’ll ever get into a person. Notice how they treat the people who can’t do anything for them, the kids, your grandmother, the person clearing plates. Notice whether they check on you or disappear into their phone. Notice how they handle your family when your family is being a lot.

You’re not just introducing them to your family. You’re watching who they are under pressure. That’s information you can’t get on a date.

It’s okay to wait

If you’re not sure, wait. Do a smaller holiday moment together instead: Friendsgiving, a drive to see the lights, dessert after the family dinner. There’s no prize for moving fast. A relationship that’s real will still be real next Thanksgiving.

Need to talk tonight? Relationship Rescue connects you with a Life Coaching Today coach 24/7, no package required. Find your coach here.

Want to work with me? Book a free 15-minute discovery call with Just Ask Maxx.

Read the book: Red Flags: A Woman’s Survival Guide to Dating in the Manosphere by Kiddada Asmara Grey and Georgia Ann Hunter Jones. Get your copy on Amazon.

Just Ask Maxx is the founder of Life Coaching Today, a Master Relationship Coach, Master Hypnotherapist, Certified NLP Practitioner and Certified Divorce Mediator. She writes the weekly Just Ask Maxx column and co-hosts He Said, She Said.