The Best Ways to Confront a Cheating Spouse?

by | Apr 3, 2019

So, you found out that you have a cheating spouse now what do you do? Although your mind is probably still reeling and your emotions extremely raw, the very first thing you need to do is try your best to calm down; if you can, get away from the situation for a few days, such as staying with a family member or friend (if you don’t have children), or if you do have kids, then ask your spouse to stay elsewhere for a while.

Confronting your cheating spouse can be a tricky thing, so here are some ideas on how to confront them without losing your cool.

1. Before confronting him/her, figure out what you want out of the conversation. Do you want the whole truth? Do you want to talk about the future and whether to stay together or not? If you have older children, should you tell them what is going on? The conversation is not going to be pleasant, but it must be done so be prepared.
2. If you have hard proof of the affair, will you tell your spouse? You have to think about this before confronting him/her, since most likely they will deny the affair if you come at them with either no proof, or just angry assumptions; if you do happen to have proof (such as incriminating text messages, photos or emails), then you might want to go ahead and let them know what proof you have.
3. Pretend you don’t know and simply act normally. Do this if you just don’t want a confrontation yet, especially if your emotions are running high and you’re afraid you would say something nasty and that you’ll regret. If your spouse does happen to notice that you’re acting as if something is wrong, then lie and say you’re upset about your job, a friend or something else.
4. Give your spouse a chance to explain him or herself. Before blowing up at them and hurling accusations, calmly tell them that you know about the cheating spouse, and then let them do the talking. Your spouse will either come clean and confess or deny the affair. If they do deny that anything is going on—and you have hard proof of the affair—now is the time to bring up this fact and see what else they have to say after being caught red-handed.
5. Make sure not to blame yourself or allow yourself to get caught up in anger and depression. You did absolutely nothing to cause your spouse to have an affair and holding onto anger and resentment will only make matters worse in the long run. Learn to forgive, if you can, and if not, forgiveness can come later. To make yourself feel a bit better, go out for a spa day with a close friend, get a mani/pedi with your daughter, or even book a room at your favorite hotel just to get away for a while.

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