by | May 19, 2023

You know this past week has been quite a spiritual pilgrimage of sorts and the culmination of FACING ALL of the things I’ve needed to face. I remember Steve Jobs saying in one of his speeches that you don’t really see the big picture until you look back and connect all the dots. It wasn’t until this morning after prayer that I am able to look back at all of the events that I have been party to these past few weeks and even months, even days…the last few hours and really start connecting all of the dots. In October of 2022 I broke my foot because I fell down a flight of stairs. In connecting the dots NOW I KNOW that as horrible as the circumstances were, they were necessary in order to SLOW ME DOWN COMPLETELY. I had no choice but to sit down and remain seated. The same way the country sat down for almost 2 years, I was forced into a state of STOP IT! Lol. As I worked to get myself back together everything in my life shifted. I didn’t just sit down, I SHUT DOWN as well. I isolated myself and cut myself off from everyone I invested time and energy into, every project that I spent time and energy on, and completely suspended spending money, watching TV (whew and my reality shows) listening to music, taking any phone calls, and eating any meat whatsoever. I would say that for the first 3 years after my coma I was floating in this dimension and this world and moving like I was still in that sleep state. Then things happened, life happened, and a lot happened. I reverted back. For the last 20 years I have desired and journeyed to get BACK TO THAT STATE and was completely unsuccessful. Yesterday, I realized what was holding me back the entire time. It was HOLDING ON to things (and I mean A LOT OF THINGS – people, places, events, hurts, and frustrations) that was HOLDING ME BACK. You see the only way to gain anything in this life is to be empty of all things so that the filling process can begin.The reason why I KNOW is because I SEE GOD in everything and every THING. Even the things that are seemingly horrific. That is why the Bible says COUNT IT ALL JOY. The most difficult thing you can do is to try to remain at peace and have true joy in the midst of pain. What you must do is FIRST RELEASE THE PAIN YOU HOLD ON TO and then with the hurt you allow yourself TO FEEL and experience you fill the big HOLE IN YOUR HEART with the love and joy of God and FORGIVENENSS. It is forgiveness that brings PEACE. Forgiveness of every person, every place you find yourself, every thing that has been done to you and that you yourself have done to others and yourself. The need to be right, to win an argument, to be justified and to come out smelling like a rose are all attributes of an unsettled heart and a bruised ego. There is no such thing as anything but LOVE or HATE. You either fight your hardest to find a way to love genuinely, or live in the ecology of a war with yourself (mind, body, and spirit). Because the truth of the matter is we are never at war with others, we are encountering others who are unified along with us at being at war with ourselves. These last few days have FORCED ME TO FACE the last loose ends that needed to be tied up. The Universe is perfect in every energy and every frequency. As I traveled down a road to revelations and resolutions, some of it was through head on collisions (coming from me who is a person who cannot stand conflict or confrontations), some through dreams (more confronting and no less difficult than being awake), and some through mirroring. When I tell you I was visited and I mean confronted with exactly 7 events and LCT 9 circumstances that were like hurricanes, you wouldn’t believe me. I can’t believe it myself, but as I look back and connect the dots, as I realize what God is doing, as I SEE THE MOVE OF SPIRIT moving me to a different place, I have FINALLY LEARNED TO LET GO. LET IT ALL GO so I can count it ALL JOY. When I went into that coma I was hurt, battered, bruised, exhausted, beat down, insecure, troubled, stress, sick, tired, frustrated, lonely, alone, searching, grabbing at straws, had PTSD and was a yes girl like you wouldn’t believe. When I woke up from that coma everything was washed away clean and I was made NEW. For the first 3 years I felt like I walked on water and sometime after those 3 years, somehow I slipped back into the things of this world. Who wouldn’t? It’s hard not to be in and of what you are in. Despite my strongest attempts and fights to get back to THAT PLACE I could not. Yesterday let’s just say, “THE BIG BANG” happened and I exploded. The last 20 years of more hurt, battering, bruising, exhaustion, troubles, stress, frustration and events that I had been holding on to finally came out and was released. The explosion caused everything to scatter and it was like the flood gates of a dam had been opened. Physically I am in the best shape of my life. I’m down from a size 16 to a size 6. I didn’t do any surgery, I changed my lifestyle. Emotionally, however, I was not there yet and those flood gates burst wide open and FORCED ME TO BE and guess what… it suddenly all made sense. I couldn’t get back to where I wanted to be so badly because I was carrying more than just that extra weight. I was carrying emotional weight and didn’t realize it. You see, when I came back from the coma I told you I didn’t come back the same or alone. I came back with gifts and one of those gifts is the ability to SEE THRU PEOPLE. In the name of transparency I will tell you that the gifts I came back with scared me at first. Then I just rocked with them. Then I couldn’t stop them or turn them off. It got to be too much and I remember asking God to take them from me. You have to be careful what you wish for and mind your words. I believe that is when things changed (but I didn’t realize it then because I am only now connecting the dots). You see, not only can I SEE THRU PEOPLE, I CAN FEEL THEM TOO. I AM an empath so I am ultra sensitive to others. Here’s where it gets tricky. When I first woke up out of the coma, I could see and feel it and resolve it and let it go. It would roll off my back so to speak. In the last 20 years I would not see it as clearly or feel it as keenly but could still feel and sense it but the difference is I would hold it: Trying in my own strength and might to resolve it and could not. I cannot begin to share with you some of the dynamics of it all. Just know that everyone has an “energy field” around them so to speak and it’s like colors of light and this energy tells a story. So people are actually walking with their story without saying a word. So all these years I have been living and holding the grief and carrying the pains of others AND myself. I’ve not had the gift of resolution and emptying as I did when I first woke up. After breaking my foot in October and after literally being forced not to do anything all day long but read, study, think and pray life began to shift for me. It was like experiencing mini shakes or earth tremors. And with every tremor things were falling away and with every distraction that was no longer there, came a glimmer of light that was allowed in. Love and light to be exact. The view was no longer being obstructed nor consumed by what I was carrying in my mind, in my heart, on my body, in my soul. Yesterday, the biggest earth quake came and it was my final release. The last of what I was carrying and holding came out with a vengeance and it really needed to happen. You see as human beings we always expect what we want to look and appear the way WE see it, but sometimes the gifts and the lessons show up and manifest as we never saw coming nor expected. But we must count it all joy. Yesterday I was forced to face and confront myself in a way that I had never before. It was hard to do but it had to be done. And I am so so grateful that it did. I can honestly say that I AM FREE again and I AM no longer afraid. I am no longer scared if being judged, talked about, undermined, unsupported, or lied about or on. I AM no longer intimidated by the power and gifts that are inside of me. I AM no longer carrying fear along with my faith. I was always the barrier, and I alone was building the blocks of obstruction to the light. You see when you come full circle and it really is full circle, then you acknowledge what it means to fall short and then you see yourself in all things as often and as much as you see God in all things. And in seeing others, see God no matter how hard to do, because He’s in them as much as He’s in you. Once you come to that knowledge then all the things you fear outside of yourself become null and you are free to choose and decide HOW YOU WANT TO SHOW UP THIS DAY IN THE NOW without any other focus. The LENS is everything, so make sure you choose the right one and clean it often. And if you make a mistake and it cracks don’t worry there’s always a chance to get a new one and take a whole new set of pictures

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