Following the foregoing mathematics formulas – Success, Happy and Hope are greater than Grief, Failure and Sorrow.
I am often approached with questions that focus on the metrics that govern happiness. This question really underscores one seven-letter word: SUCCESS. When you think about it, this word dominates almost every phase of your life. Are you happy in your profession? Are you successful in your relationship? Were you successful in losing weight. Was your meeting successful? Have you found your personal success as a mother/father?
The peculiar thing about success, is that it is extremely difficult to hold onto because it is a constant moving target. Unwanted and unexpected dreadful grief happenings often present horrendous detours in your happiness. You may feel successful one day and then the next feel you have completely failed. Measuring your personal successes yearly can be daunting and discouraging. Measuring day by day is a better option. On a daily basis you are better able to focus on the things that make you happy and feel worthwhile. Daily success in reconciling your grief is sometimes one step forward and two steps backward but in the end your success will be greater than your failures. Success is reaching a small goal and beyond. Success is reaching a happier moment beyond your hoped-for dream. The absolute grand champion blue ribbon prize is when you are truly successful and actually feel rewarded and find joy in the healing journey.
When our six children were young, my wife and I carefully made a list of values we would try to live by as a family. Some we gave careful attention to included things like “Merchants would always pray together as a family” and “Merchants would never swear in our home” and “Merchants would try to always share and express love for each other” and “Marchants will always try to do our best in everything we do” and “Marchants will never, never give up.”
Then as years passed by we look back upon the foregoing values and other family values and analyzed if we stayed the course. Were we successful? We noted the realization that our family values needed some fine-tuning along the way as success was a constant moving target. Unexpected challenges in life’s journey necessitate tweaking one’s values and efforts. Grief can result in an absolute need to repair and refurbish your life. Willingness to try to mend the cracks in your life will lead to your success.
As I ponder the true definition of success I recognize success is unique and personal. So, to answer the question at hand: success can be defined in so many ways but when you come to clearly know who you are and like your new you – to feel free in your own personal quiet way and accept what and how you are – then you have straightforwardly arrived at your own SUCCESS.
Success in grief reconciliation is fleeting as is failure. Failure and success are two variables that can endure. Which do you want? I prefer happy-ever-after. My success metric used to be tightly tied to my calendar. Life’s experiences have helped me realize that spending my time sensibly and happily is far more important. Perhaps Woody Allen was correct – 80% of success really is showing up. I’ve learned how to enjoy daily baby steps. Happily, ever-after is a worthy goal.
You only have one life to live. Don’t ever compare your life to others as a measurement of your personal success. To live life successfully, happily and hopefully is what you should pursue. Even when grief circumstances turn your life asunder and you feel torn apart, success, happiness and hope should be your goal. They are greater than failure, grief and sorrow. It is my humble prayer and desire that a happy success may follow you in your grief relief journey.