by | Sep 8, 2020

Dear Maxx, I think I am in love with my boss! I am already married, and so is he.

There is another position open in the company, and I have been offered it.

Taking it will add so much to my career, but it will mean no longer seeing the man  I have come to love. He has asked me not to take this new opportunity, and though we have not yet discussed our feelings,  the attraction between us is obvious. He has tried to address our feelings with me, but I was so scared I shut him down.

Oh, what should I do, Maxx?

There are red flags and no green lights!

You are married, and so is he. You work together, he is your boss. Office romances never work, you know that. It is a recipe for disaster and disappointment.

Why would you do this? Turn down so m eth ing te s te d and true for an experience sure to end badly? What about your career? Throw away a chance to grow and gain in the company for a literal bad romance?

See what is right and wrong for you; honor your first commitment. Know happiness with your husband, feel fulfillment with your family. It is never wise to throw the baby out with the bathwater or your life out for lust.

Just ask Maxx

Hello Maxx, only recently started dating a man, he was Polyamorous but has agreed to be Monogamous.

At least…that’ what he has told me.

There have so many green flags…but there is still this one redone! Any advice from you is much appreciated.

Hello Monogamous, thank you for getting in touch with me.

I get it; you are not 100% sure where you stand with this man and all the cautions are filling your head.

Please understand you do not have all the information, so you are not confident that he is able to be in a one to one relationship with you. It is alright to be concerned. A person cannot go from Poly to Mono overnight, it has to be a  willing choice for himself, not just you.

To be Poly means extra people, it means extra experiences and this choice means evolving personally. It is not just about sex; though you are forgiven for having trouble with that idea. There is a distinct difference between Polygamy and Swinging.

This is a huge change for him, so please allow yourselves to be friends for 90 days to determine where you both are and if he really is ready to make the change for you. Work on your trust issues and give this a proper chance.

Just ask Maxx

Hello Maxx, This is a long, long story short We dated for about four years recently I thought everything was fine honestly I was waiting to get proposed to or wanting to move in with me.

He does this thing when he gets distant for like a week, then all of a sudden he’s fine, and everything goes back to normal every once in a while, so I always think maybe he needs his space sometimes, which is fine I understand.

Well, he started doing this, then we were supposed to go to the beach together and two days before he said he decided its better if he doesn’t go with me. My son, well, I got mad and was like what is going on.

You can’t do this well that opened the gates apparently, and he went off about my son. He can’t handle him (mind you he is five at the time we got together he was already in the picture the whole time) all of a sudden he can’t handle to be around him.

Then he started going off on me about when we were first together how I was still talking to my ex and hooked up with him honestly I don’t remember anymore I’ve moved on from that point in my life I was baffled and messed up when I met him.

I’ve admitted that I was confused, and I don’t remember what happened, then he thinks I don’t know on purpose as I don’t want to tell him the truth. Still, I just have purposely pushed that part out of my head that I don’t remember because I’ve changed myself from that time in my life and have grown from it now its held over my head now four years later?

He gives me excuses, but I don’t know if he comes up with things to get me to say okay and let him go or what’s going on. He won’t open up to me anymore, and he used to I don’t know what to do; he now has broken up with me.

Still, one week, he wants to talk to me. He seems like he wants me apart of his life the next week, he ignores me or looks like he wants nothing to do with me I’m so confused at this point, and heartbroken I’ve never felt this broken about someone I don’t know to cut all ties and move on or fight for what I think I want to have with him.

Dear Heartbroken, Thank you for sharing your heart’s troubles.

There are so many moving parts in your situation, but at the end of the day, your child is the most important thing.

At this time, you need him to give you clear and direct answers to your questions. Why has he broken up with you? What is his exact issue with your son? Why is he bringing up the past? Why is he coming in and out of your life?

If those questions can’t be answered, you both have no future and no relationship. You need to set boundaries and inform him that he can’t come in and out of your life and leave you in limbo. At this time, he appears no longer interested in having a relationship with you.

You can’t fight for a relationship that doesn’t exist. It would help if you accepted what is and that he is no longer interested. Please take a step back and focus on your child. That is where all your energy needs to be at this time.

Anything else is a waste of your time. I hope this gives you clarity and starts towards closure.

Just ask Maxx

Hello Maxx, I am a thirty-seven year old and, until recently, a virgin.

I started dating a man, we had such a great connection, and I felt so loved by him, that after nine days of this amazing closeness when he asked me for money to help pay his rent, I sent it.

He told me he didn’t get it, so I asked him for his landlord’s information so I could send it directly.  It turns out; he gave me an alias. I have sent over 3,000 dollars and lost something very precious to me, and I still dream about this man every day.

Please help me, have I been Catfished?

Dear Catfished, I am so sad to hear that and so sorry to say that this happens a lot in the world of social media and dating.

You have been deceived, and I won’t go into the red flags but please be wiser in the future.

Your virginity was a great gift and you did give it to someone you trusted. What I ask is that you give yourself more time to get to know someone first.

Nine days is not enough time to share yourself or your bank account.

Love yourself.

Just ask Maxx.

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