A Forbes Health survey found that about 78% of recent dating app users feel burned out, with women reporting it a bit more often (80%) than men (74%). So we asked the question we always ask on He Said, She Said: what does this look like from each side?

She said

For a lot of women, the burnout isn’t from too few matches. It’s from too many of the wrong ones. The “hey” with nothing after it. The man who wants a pen pal but never a date. The one who gets rude when you set a boundary. The photos nobody asked for.

Women describe dating apps as a second job: screening, sorting, and staying alert for red flags, all while trying to stay open-hearted. That’s exhausting. Many women say they’re not giving up on love; they’re giving up on being treated like an option on a menu.

He said

For a lot of men, the burnout looks different. Many men say they send message after message and hear nothing back. The silence starts to feel like a verdict. Some start believing they’re invisible, and that’s exactly where the manosphere steps in with easy answers: “Women only want the top 20% of men.”

The men who stay healthy are the ones who don’t let an app define their worth. They work on themselves for themselves: friendships, fitness, therapy, purpose. And they look for connection offline, too.

Where we meet in the middle

• Both sides are lonely. Research published this year found that people who are already lonely may be more likely to burn out, and that chasing likes and matches for approval was linked to feeling lonelier later on.
• Both sides want realness. Coaches keep hearing the same thing: people can spot fake charm. Honesty, even with a typo, is attractive.
• Both sides need to slow down. Fewer conversations, more meaning. Move to a call or a public coffee date sooner.

The apps aren’t the enemy, and neither is the other gender. Burnout just tells us it’s time to date differently.

— The He Said, She Said team at Life Coaching Today, with Just Ask Maxx

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📕 Red Flags: A Woman’s Survival Guide to Dating in the Manosphere by Georgia Ann Hunter Jones and Kiddada Asmara Grey. Get your copy here.

Just Ask Maxx is a Master Relationship Coach, Master Hypnotherapist, Certified NLP Practitioner and Certified Divorce Mediator with Life Coaching Today. Email justaskmaxx@gmail.com or call 215-888-5362.