Codependency: how do we let go?

Codependency: how do we let go?

“Codependency” happens when one becomes dependent on another person or controlled by the needs of another person. Recovery from codependency is key to having healthy relationships.

Often the codependent may say that if my partner or child would just change, I will be ok; however, codependency is a sign that you are not living a life in personal balance. The focus becomes on “the other” as either the source of happiness or unhappiness in life.

People become addicted to other people in the same way that we become addicted to alcohol or drugs or other compulsive behaviors. “Seeking” something outside of you is not the way to feeling whole or happy.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that emphasizes the belief that with the latest new medication, exercise, diet, podcast, etc., that we are going to find the answers that we are looking for to fix what is wrong inside of us.

Along with that is the theory that if I find the perfect partner, or if my children are on the ideal path and are doing well, all will be good with me, right?   Our experience with “the other,” meaning another person, can be disappointing and limiting if we are not in a good personal space with ourselves.

The capacity for joy comes within us first and not just from our experience with another person. If we can’t experience joy within ourselves, no partner or other relationship can create happiness within us.

Happiness between two people gets created when both can find a familiar place together to create it. Often it comes from an offering or invitation to join into a pleasing activity; a smile or a laugh can be infectious!

One person makes the offer, and either the other(s) step into that moment or the moment is missed.  People become addicted to drugs, nicotine, food, sex, and other things to satiate needs. Just as people become addicted to these things, we become addicted to the feeling of being in love.

We all know there is nothing better than meeting someone new and the roller coaster of butterflies and excitement that comes from a new relationship. The “love hormone” oxytocin is released during the romance stage of a relationship, so in essence, we are experiencing a lift in brain chemistry similar to drugs.

Once that phase of the relationship has passed, we move on to a more mature part of the relationship, and that’s where the work of really getting to know each other begins. As soon as we have declared love for another, the vulnerable state of an open-heart begins.

Often in love, we are filling up needs that come from longing for connection that may stem from unmet needs in childhood. We bring ourselves with all of our previous life wounds to relationships as adults.

Codependency develops when we seek in another person what is missing in us – wanting a relationship to heal the loneliness, insecurities, fears, anxieties, and depression from the past.

To reach true satisfaction in our connections with others, we need to bring a complete version of ourselves as a person to a relationship, thus bringing the capacity to connect and experience happiness with others.

Just like the idea of the perfect diet or medication is the fix for the part within us that needs help, our culture reinforces the belief that if we find an ideal partner or companion that our life will be complete. Without peace in ourselves, we may look for too much in another person.

It is a set up for the other person; looking for companionship is different than looking for a person to complete our lives and fill us up emotionally. The fantasy that we will find perfection in another person is just that a fantasy – people are human, and have their flaws.

Partners and loved ones can enhance our lives, but if we are looking to be held up or fixed, or are seeking only what we want, it is asking too much from another person and may set up feelings of constant disappointment and fear.

Accepting people as they are will allow for happier connections.   On developing a healthier approach to relationships Know who you are and be known. Partners, children, friends, and anyone else we find ourselves in a relationship with are there to share experiences with us. Joy comes from the shared space that gets created when people participate in a relationship.

Knowing yourself and your values and what you like and dislike are essential to being happy in a relationship. Sharing with your partner about what your values are, what motivates you, what brings you peace – these are important to communicate so that your partner knows who you are.

Identify your wants and needs so that you don’t keep your loved ones and partner guessing or making assumptions.   Speak your truth with an open heart The way to get needs met in a relationship is to be open and honest when you feel something that needs to be communicated.

Learning to notice when you need to talk something and then speaking up for yourself can change the dynamics in a relationship. Communicating from the most honest and heartfelt place inside of you will bring others closer to you.

Connecting comes when people take risks to share openly and honestly about the truth that lives inside all of us.   Have healthy boundaries come from having that sense of your wants and needs.

Conflict can occur in a relationship when one person has not set a boundary that needs to be set. If I feel that another person has not respected who I am or what I want or need, I need to say something.

Just the act of saying “no” that does not work for me, or I don’t agree with you is setting a boundary. When we always go along with another person, we can become deferential to others, which sets up a power dynamic.

If this continues, resentment can build in a relationship.   Let go of expectations Expectations of others can be a set up for disappointment. Everyone has their wants and needs in life and sometimes what I may want conflicts with what you want.

If I expect you to do or say something and you don’t want to, my expectations are not fulfilled. The truth is that people get to be who they are, not who we want them to be. I can ask something of another person, but that person gets to decide whether they choose to do it.

Bring joy and create invitations Having happy moments in relationships depends on all involved to bring something of themselves to the relationship.

If you want to feel joy, bring it! One way to create moments in relationships is to create invitations for fun and spontaneity with your partner and loved ones.

Impact of a Morning Routine

Impact of a Morning Routine

How you start your day, or more specifically how you spend those first few morning hours has a big impact on the rest of it. Think of it as setting the tone for your entire day.

That’s why making over your morning is so important. It’s about much more than those first few hours. I’m sure you’ve experienced this yourself. Let’s use the snooze button as an example.

You set an early alarm to make sure you have time for exercise, meditation, or simply some much needed “me time”. You have every intention of getting up and doing whatever you’re setting out to do when you set the alarm in the first place.

Some mornings – hopefully, most mornings – you get up when the alarm chimes and go for that walk, do your meditation exercise, or read a book for twenty minutes. Then there are those days when you just can’t make yourself get up.

You hit the snooze button multiple times, or turn the alarm off altogether and go back to sleep. Think about how the rest of those days went. Did you notice a difference in how you felt? How much did you got done on the mornings when you got up with your first alarm?

Were you able to do all the things you set out to do? How did those days compare to the ones when you hit the snooze button over and over again? If I had to take a guess, I’d say that the mornings when you got up as soon as the alarm went off went a lot smoother.

I bet you accomplished what you have planned to do, too. Chances are that sleeping through the snooze button didn’t just affect your morning, but the entire rest of your day. You set the tone for how your day is going to go first thing in the morning.

That’s what the old saying about getting up on the wrong side of the bed is about. Let’s make sure we get up on the right side and start our day off in a positive and productive way.  Over the course of the next seven days, I want to guide you through the process of making over your morning.

As we’ve already established, this is an important tasks and a good thing to work on and pay attention to. Not only will you enjoy your mornings more even if the alarm goes off much earlier than you’d like, it will make the entire rest of your day go much smoother.

Let’s Dive In Your Goal.

Let’s Dive In Your Goal.

Stay at Home Moms. Parents(that means you dads!).

A guide to getting you on your path to your true desires. No more venting to your spouse, friends, or family members. Stop keeping your inner emotions to yourself.

Have someone in your corner. Close your eyes and envision your goal. What is your goal? What is your motivation behind it? How will you know you achieved it? Do you feel happy, confident, powerful, unstoppable, loved?

Nothing is stopping you. But why are you having such a tough time? That’s where I come in. Do you have a goal you want to achieve but don’t know where to start? I will guide you to remove your blocks and follow your dreams without limitations.

Can you relate to any of these struggles in your personal or internal self?

*Need a project done? *Want to improve on a skill?

*Do you want more in your life? *Do you want to embrace your individuality without fear?

*Are you a working parent? Trouble fitting it all? *Suffer a miscarriage and having a tough time? Or your partner?

*Unhappy or having struggles with your spouse? My partner doesn’t want to change, they don’t understand me, same old patterns. Not in the mood to be intimate?

*I never do anything for myself, I don’t have enough time? *Not getting enough sleep and feeling burnt out?

*Feeling stuck between living in the past or thinking too much about the future? *Ready to enter the workforce again? But don’t know where to start or what to do?

*Struggling with going back to your body and health before you had kids? Emotionally eating?

*Feel stuck in a loop? Having bad luck all the time? Why me?

*Not enough time in the day to get everything done?

*Having trouble expressing yourself and it comes out as anger? Impatience?

*Overthinking situations and events?

*Trouble connecting with your children as they are getting older? Do you THRIVE on accountability?

Benefits:
-Confidence in your skills and growth.
-Finding your true self.
-Feel beautiful inside and out. -Close loving connection with your partner.
-Connect and understand your children.
-Better relationships around you once you set boundaries.
-Not keeping everything inside.
-Freedom. -Restoration of Balance.
-Laugh and smile more.
-Validation of your wins.
-Embrace your weird and uniqueness.
-That your goals are achievable.

*Most importantly. True happiness.

* I want to hear your story. You are not alone.

You are growing and NEED to find your path. Time is moving fast, life is too short to not be happy.

Let go and remove your fear. Book a Discovery Call with me. Your future self will thank you.

Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance

Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance

There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, but many of us struggle to find the balance. Sometimes we don’t even mean to, but other people could view it differently. While it might not seem like a big deal, being viewed as arrogant will slowly start to diminish your reputation among your peers.

It’s proven that confidence will attract the right people, while arrogance will repel them. If you want to surround yourself with positive energy and inspiration on a daily basis, it will normally depend on the type of energy you’re putting out there. It doesn’t matter if it’s with a relationship, your career, or life in general, understanding the differences can help protect your reputation and ego. This will play a major role in your ability to meet new people and enjoy life.

What is Confidence? Confidence is defined as a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities. They might be very skilled at something or knowledgeable about a subject, but they understand there’s always more to learn.

Confident people care about listening to other people’s input and feedback. They want to hold a conversation with other people, even if the other person is much less talented than they are. There’s no belittling the other person.

In fact, they’re praising others for their achievements — small or large. You can be proud of yourself and confident in your abilities without making others feel less confident in themselves. It’s all about teamwork, but you can’t achieve that by making others feel worthless.What is Arrogance?Arrogance, on the other hand, is having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities.

Arrogant people are less focused on how to inspire others and more focused on receiving praise or acceptance from others. Opposed to confident people, arrogant people don’t care to listen to others. They feel others have nothing to teach them and nothing interesting to share. You might feel like people are rallying around you, but you’re only pushing yourself away from them.Arrogant people are often blind to the fact that they’re being arrogant, but others fully intend it. Either way, it’s going to be difficult to make friends and inspire others if you’re constantly boasting about yourself.Remaining Confident, But HumbleConfident people know they’re talented, they know the experience they have, and they know their accomplishments.

While this is also true with arrogant people, those with confidence have different intentions. They want to use their confidence to uplift others, opposed to belittling them.It’s okay to know where you stand in this world, but you need to take those accomplishments to help lift others up.

There will always be more to learn and you can never tell who will open your mind to new perspectives. Give everyone a chance to prove themselves. We were all that person at one point that just wanted to be respected. If you’re in a position to give that to someone else, don’t hesitate to do it.

Doubts or Fears?

At times we are in doubt if we should do something or not, follow one course or another. We are unsure and cannot find a way to figure it out. It is important to realize that often we are not in doubt, but in fear. We have an intuition of what we should do or which course to take but we mistake fear for doubt. Choosing to follow a certain course brings its own fears and worries. That fear causes us to get stuck seemingly in a situation where we have “doubt” as to what we should do. When we correctly identify doubt as fear, we achieve the clarity that was previously obscured. At that point we should re-invite the fear. This time it enters not as a “doubt” but just as the fear you have upon deciding a certain course. It is appropriate to experience it, as it is natural to have fear upon selecting a course of action. Accept these fears for what they are, the natural anxieties that follow a definitive choice.